Donkey God

When I first realized that divorce was imminent in my
relationship, my first thought was, “What on earth am I going to
do for money?” I’m the first to admit that I make a terrible
employee. Up to that time, as a stay-at-home-mom, I’d been
making my own schedule, making all of the rules with regard to
when, where, why and how I was going to do what needed to be
done.

Against my better judgement, I entered the job search jungle,
and hated it. I got a job, and quit after 3 months. When I
thought about it, getting a job was taking the easy way out.
Starting my own business would not only be much more difficult,
but it would ultimately be more rewarding.

I had been trained to design clothing (back when Fred Flintstone
was a kid), and had an obsession with fashion…handbags in
particular. So, I knew my way around a yard of fabric and a pair
of scissors. I also had an ongoing complaint with regard to what
was then available in the marketplace with regard to unique,
affordable handbags. I thought about starting my own business.

I originally had my doubts as to just whether or not I could do
this thing on my own. I had fear. But I wasn’t afraid of
failing. If I failed, what would change? My life would stay the
same. I knew how to do “same”. But if I succeeded, things would
change. It was change that scared me. I nearly let that fear
scare me out of starting my business. If that had happened, I
would be financially reliant on what scraps my ex would dole out
for the next who knows how long, and THAT was not an option.

So I started my business. First, I made cute little handbags for
my daughters, who wore those bags to school. That led to handbag
requests from their friends, who asked for my creations as
birthday presents. That grew to stores and boutiques carrying my
product. Twenty three to be exact. I loved it! This independence
was incredible. I was (and am) in heaven! My ex would come over
to pick up the kids, and when we opened the front door, the kids
would say, “Welcome to our shipping department.” I had so many
orders, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I’ve since expanded my business to include jewelry besides
handbags. I have my own web business, and I’m the boss! I do
what I want, when I want, and how I want to. Nobody tells me
what I can and cannot do. When I get coffee, I get it for
myself…no one else.

Be the boss ladies. Don’t you dare allow divorce hamper your
desire or ability to succeed on your own. Use it to fuel your
desire for financial independence.

Martinis for Everyone!

Debbie Burgin.

Copyright 2006 Debbie Burgin All Rights Reserved

Water retention, mood swings, sore breasts, and indigestion are problems experienced by many women in the week preceding menstruation. Here are a few tips from Susun Weed’s best-selling book, NEW Menopausal Years the Wise Woman Way (Alternatives for Women 30-90) to help ease these discomforts.

TO RELIEVE WATER RETENTION
1. 10-20 drops of dandelion root tincture in a cup of water with meals and before bed.

2. A strong infusion (one ounce of dried herb in a quart of boiling water, brewed overnight) of the common weed, stinging nettle, not only relieves, but also helps prevent further episodes of water retention. Weed says she drinks a cup or more of this infusion daily whenever she wants to nourish her kidneys and adrenals.

   TO MODERATE MOOD SWINGS

3. Tincture of the flowering tops of fresh motherwort is a favorite calmative of herbalist Weed. She uses 5-10 drops in a small amount of water as a dose, which she repeats as needed, sometimes as frequently as 3-4 times an hour, until the desired effect is achieved. “I never feel drugged or groggy or out-of-it when I use motherwort to help me calm down,” she says.

4. For women who consistently feel premenstrual rage, use 20-30 drops of motherwort tincture twice a day for a month to help stabilize mood swings. Make it a priority to take a moon day - one day right before or at the start of the menstrual flow which is set aside for you and you alone.

5. One or more cups of an infusion of the herb oatstraw (the grass of the plant that gives us oatmeal) helps the nerves calm down and provides a rich source of minerals known to soothe frazzled emotions.

   TO RELIEVE CONGESTION AND TENDERNESS IN THE BREASTS

6. 20-30 drops of the tincture of cleavers, another common weed, works wonders. This plant, also called “goose grass”, was used as a black tea substitute by the colonists. The dose may be repeated every hour or up to 6 times a day.

7. Women who get a lot of calcium and magnesium from their diet (leafy greens, yogurt, and many herbs are rich in these minerals) have less breast tenderness. Increase the minerals in your diet with a cup or more of red clover/mint infusion daily.

8. Large cabbage leaves, steamed whole until soft, and applied as warm as tolerable, can be used as a soothing compress on breasts which are sore and swollen.

   TO RELIEVE DIGESTIVE DISTRESS

9. A daily dose of 1 teaspoonful/5ml yellow dock root vinegar.

10. A cup of yogurt in the morning (buy it plain and add fruit at home) replaces gut flora and ensures easy digestion all day long.

Legal Disclaimer: This content is not intended to replace conventional medical treatment. Any suggestions made and all herbs listed are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, condition or symptom. Personal directions and use should be provided by a clinical herbalist or other qualified healthcare practitioner with a specific formula for you. All material contained herein is provided for general information purposes only and should not be considered medical advice or consultation. Contact a reputable healthcare practitioner if you are in need of medical care. Exercise self-empowerment by seeking a second opinion.

Susun Weed
PO Box 64
Woodstock, NY 12498
Fax: 1-845-246-8081

Vibrant, passionate, and involved, Susun Weed has garnered an international reputation for her groundbreaking lectures, teachings, and writings on health and nutrition. She challenges conventional medical approaches with humor, insight, and her vast encyclopedic knowledge of herbal medicine. Unabashedly pro-woman, her animated and enthusiastic lectures are engaging and often profoundly provocative.

Susun is one of America’s best-known authorities on herbal medicine and natural approaches to women’s health. Her four best-selling books are recommended by expert herbalists and well-known physicians and are used and cherished by millions of women around the world. Learn more at http://www.susunweed.com

O.k., you’re standing there all alone at a party and in the far
corner of the room your boyfriend is talking to some groovy
chick. She’s coming onto him and much to your dismay, he doesn’t
seem to be bragging about all how happy he is in his
relationship with you. In fact, he even seems to be encouraging
and indulging the shameless slattern’s disgusting, desperate,
gall-filled pleas for sexual attention. So you a) burst into
tears and run from the room b) go up to him and drape yourself
around his neck so she can’t miss the fact that you and him are
“together” or c) stand there and repeatedly tap his shoulder
with your finger going “Um honey, honey, honey, I have to talk
to you … until he finally is forced to turn around and scream
in your face “WHAT!”

Actually, none of the above are the right answers.
Unfortunately, the minute you display jealousy, you convey
neediness and insecurity and according to Jungian psychiatrist
William Rock Penfield, people of both sexes find this extremely
unattractive in a partner. What they really find attractive is
something called “the unattainable.” That is why your boyfriend
is flirting with the gorgeous interloper in the first place. He
knows he belongs to you and therefore she becomes attractive
because she is unattainable. Another reason we flip out, and
become jealous is because we know we’ve already been “attained”.
The person knows he already “has you” so there is nothing to
chase… no thrill to the hunt… the cupid’s arrow has already
met its mark and now you are about as sexually exciting as a
carcass thrown in a burlap sack.

No,the best thing for you to do in such a situation, is to
mirror his behaviour. Make yourself unattainable. Replace
thoughts like “No, no, no ….please don’t do this to me.” and ”
Please, please. Stop. Stop flirting with him!” to “Oh so you
think you have this relationship in the bag do you…. while
here’s me brushing my breasts up against your best friend’s arm
and here’s me batting my eyelashes at that guy you hate and
here’s me smiling and waving at you like nothing’s wrong …
nothing at all!” Make like you’re the wild unpredicatable one
–like what he’s doing doesn’t matter –like you could leave
this party at any minute with his successor. Before you know it,
he’ll be the one casting you the anxious looks, as you dirty
dance with the cute guy you just met near the fridge. If he
doesn’t, maybe you should consider leaving the party with the
new guy. Or girl.

Because this mirroring trick works on both sexes. What doesn’t
work is begging, pleading, crying and trying to blackmail the
person into never doing it again, later, when you get home in
bed. Who wants to be with a needy, whiny jealous person. What a
turnoff!

Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that
their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some
point should put their emotions aside and plan “just in case”
their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the
near future. If women who believe that the “divorce discussion”
may be lurking, they should make it a point to look for solid
signs that their husband will indeed ask for a divorce…then
they should plan accordingly.

Women who think that they are signs that her husband may ask for
a divorce but haven’t thought about it deeply or who think that
a divorce would better suit them rather than their husbands,
should view the situation realistically and as stoically as
possible. This will ensure that plan they take is calculated,
logical and will benefit them based on what they want the end
result to yield.

Often times women refuse to think that a divorce could happen to
them and one day their husband comes home and says “There’s
something I have been meaning to talk to you about…” or “I
think we should get a divorce.” or something similar. If the
situation has reached this point, its too late for women to
start planning for their financial future after divorce.

So what do women who think a divorce is eminent or who want a
divorce for themselves do in order to ensure they aren’t left in
financial ruin?

There’s certainly a myriad of tactics that can be used and each
woman’s situation is different regarding divorce, but here’s
some tactics that will help:

Women and divorce tactic 1:

Once women know that they will be getting a divorce, they should
make a plan and keep it to themselves. They shouldn’t let anyone
know what they’ve decided to do. They should not tell their
friends, co-workers, or family…no one. And they certainly
shouldn’t lead on to their husband that they want a divorce if
they are the ones who will be making the first move to end the
marriage.

Women and divorce tactic 2:

Women in divorce should realize that the plan they take may
require several months to implement and they should be patient
and plan logically. Women should learn how much money it would
take to support themselves (and children if the situation
warrants it), how much money is actually available to them now,
and how they can adjust their lifestyle to make sure they can
financially survive.

Women and divorce tactic 3:

Women who may be facing divorce should look at the household
wills. In some cases, it may be legal to take someone out of a
will or put someone into a will without that person knowing.

Women and divorce tactic 4:

Women who want to plan for divorce should try to put away cash
in the event something dramatic happens unexpectedly. Bit by
bit, putting cash away somewhere in a place that cannot be found
by heir husband will allow women to make sure they can survive
in the event of “unforeseen circumstances”.

Women and divorce tactic 5:

Women who plan on getting divorced should document any events
that will strengthen their case against their husband.
Occurrences such as physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse,
and drunken stupors that end in embaraasment or abuse are
examples or instances that should be documented because these
happeneings strengthen any case the women have against their
husband.

Women and divorce tactic 6:

Women who know that divorce is in their future should do all
they can to decrease liabilities and increase their access to
money. This includes paying down mutual debt, establishing
credit of their own if they do not have credit already, and
making sure that the mortgage (if there is one) is paid down as
much as possible.

Women and divorce tactic 7:

Women who are serious about getting a divorce or who think that
their husband might ask for a divorce in the future should
gather all documents that have to do with anything financial
that has their name listed. They should make a list of all these
items with financial institution name, address, account number,
balance, interest rate, etc. Knowing exactly what is at stake
financially will help alleviate surprises later.

Planning a divorce can be as painful for women as it can be for
men. Generally, women aren’t the breadwinners (although things
are getting a lot closer to being ‘new age’ than in previous
decades) and getting surprised with divorce papers can have long
term financial affects to women who don’t plan accordingly and
protect themselves financially.

Shopping can be a pleasure or a chore. However you look at it,
use these five tips to be an effective and organized shopper.

1. Dress well. In order to spend less and buy wisely, dress up
in comfortable clothes. It’s the same concept as going to the
grocery store on a full stomach.

2. Shop with a plan. Know exactly what you need and how much you
can spend. Write it down. Create a budget.

3. Keep an ongoing list of needs in your closet. As you dress
each morning, make notes of specific items you need to complete
outfits such as a wider, brown belt or a white tee with a v-neck.

4. Before you make a purchase ask yourself, “Does this match my
wardrobe in terms of color, style and price? Is this on my needs
list? How versatile is this item? How many ways can I wear it?”

5. Shop first at high-end mass merchants, outlet malls, and
off-price stores for basics such as tees, shirts and pants.
You’ll then have more money for seasonal updates such as jackets
or accessories.

As baby boomers move into midlife, a woman’s menopause does not
have quite the alarming effect that it did some years ago.
However, it remains a time of change in her life, as the ovaries
start shutting down causing hormones to fluctuate. When this
occurs, her childbearing years come to an end. A woman’s
menopause is a perfectly normal process that occurs over several
years, but the physical and emotional changes associated with
this “change of life” will vary from woman to woman. Some women
experience symptoms that include hot flashes, mood swings,
memory difficulties, vaginal dryness, and insomnia, while other
women experience no symptoms whatsoever.

Too often, women even confuse natural aging changes with
menopause. The few symptoms actually associated with menopause
can usually be handled with a few minor lifestyle changes.
Contrary to what most women have heard about menopause, it can
be an exciting and challenging time. All women should know that
they will experience menopause at some point in their life,
whether it be premature or natural menopause. So many times, it
is easy to blame other factors on menopause but it should be
understood that not all symptoms a woman experiences are
necessarily related to menopause. For instance, a number of
women will undergo a different stresses in midlife, causing
moodiness and anxiety, but these factors do not mean that a
woman’s menopause causes depression.

There is a myth that most women will lose their desire for sex
during the menopausal years when in fact, the midlife years can
be a time of enhanced sexual desire because of the freedom from
having to use birth control and concerns over possible
pregnancy. If a woman experiences vaginal dryness or painful
intercourse, lubricants or creams can be used. A woman’s desire
for sex usually has more to do with feelings for her partner
than with her body’s hormonal changes. Another factor that might
be blamed on a woman’s menopause is weight gain, but some women
may actually lose weight. It is important to be wise, eating
healthy food and exercising regularly to maintain optimal health.

A couple of important things for women to remember while going
through this time in her life is that she should be open in her
communication by sharing thoughts and concerns about the changes
in her body and mind. Open communication helps bring couples
closer instead of creating distance. Another consideration in
helping a woman feel better about going through the change of
life is to connect with female friends, reminiscing about the
past and possible changes to be made in the future.
Additionally, women going through menopause need proper sleep.
If she has trouble going to sleep, she could try taking a hot
shower before bedtime or drinking a glass of warm milk or a
glass of wine (just one). Even an occasional sleeping pill is
recommended if nothing else seems to work, but only when
recommended by her doctor.

Maintaining optimal health by eating healthy and exercising
regularly is important for anyone not just for a woman going
through menopause. Some other suggested ideas include dressing
in layers during the winter and cooler clothing during the
summer for hot flashes. As mentioned earlier, not all women will
have the same menopause process, so if a woman is experiencing
symptoms that are uncomfortable or if she is just plain curious,
she should consult her doctor. The doctor can perform a blood
test for FSH levels to determine if a woman’s menopause is
nearing. Menopause is the doorway to a new life, closing one
chapter in life and moving on.